Dogs and Puppets: Authors who have Published Before You


41BXM5RE8DL__SX258_BO1,204,203,200_You never know who the next published author will be. It could be you. Without any hard numbers, I can’t tell you how many authors debut a year, but you might be surprised, even insulted, by who published before you.

As if celebrities don’t have enough hollywood platforms to stand on, now they are taking over the publishing world. Without going into detail and just to name a few: Paris Hilton, Dennis Rodman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Pamela Anderson and John Travolta (who is apparently a better disco dancer than a writer).

One of my least favorite celebrities, Kim Kardashian could be making literary news. The Kardashian name seems fitting on a clothing label, not on the cover of a book, but she is working on a tell-all book that is sure to highlight all of the same insipid crap from the show. It’s enough that she promotes her materialistic lifestyle on television, now she has to enter the literary sphere?

And why is this insulting, you may ask. Because roughly half of all bestselling books are written by clebrities. There are only so many National Bestselling slots available. Any spot a celebrity fills is one that a serious writer can’t, which is a major loss of publicity and public notice for that writer who did not make the list. Not to say that all celebrities are not serious writers. There are those who have reached bestselling status based on merit, but more often than not, they sky rocket to the top because of our celebrity-obsessed culture. For instance, I like Gordan Ramsey, but are his cook books National Bestseller worthy? In Britain they are. And you have to wonder, does a celebrity have the same obstacles, the same struggles as the average writer. Do they face rejection? Do they even have to get an agent? Heck, they don’t even have to write, as many of their books are written by ghost writers.

monkeysSpeaking of authors who don’t have to write, even animals are seeing their names in print before me. The infinite monkey theorem comes to mind as I imagine a room full of monkeys with typewriters has a better chance of getting published than I do.  I’m not sure wether to classify my first example as an animal. He files easier into the toy or sock category. When you think of celebrity self-help books, you think of Dr. Phil, but do you know Kermit the Frog has a self-help memoir? If he ever writes a “how to get published” book, I’m going to buy it.

If that doesn’t make you green with envy, consider my next four-legged example. Tinkerbell (Paris Hilton’s dog) is the “author” of a book where she gives an insider’s scoop (probably from the inside of a purse) about her life with her famous celebrity. If that doesn’t add a little sting to your rejection letters, I don’t know what will.

Who will be the next bestselling author? It could be you. Based on current trends, it could just as likely be a sock.